The Search For A Moral Candidate

Good afternoon sir. I'm James Dobson of the Council For National Security. Well, I'm not supposed to let you know what organization I represent seeing how we are a secret group. But heck, I heard you have some solid credentials and we are looking for a candidate to run on our morality ticket.

Thank you sir. Actually I'm not sure that I want to be president but some folks urged me to come and see you.

Okay, that's fair and good. So fill me in on your positions. You know, on the big issues.

Where should I start?

Obviously, on this war in Iraq. Surely you are for national security.

National? I'm really focused on international. Shouldn't we see all folks as our neighbors and work to meet one another's needs?

Philosophically I could agree with you. But come on, we are facing the fanatical Islamic radicals and this is the war to end that threat once and for all.

I've heard that this war has been going on for many years now. What has been the cost in lives and funds?

Why are you answering my questions with your own queries? Okay, let's try a different tack. How about guns? I, we here at the Council are big proponents of gun freedom. Surely, you agree on that.

Who do I want to kill? I really don't see why I would need such protection if we all can be moving in the direction of love and compassion. I mentioned the international scene. Well, we could boil that down to respecting those who live on our streets.

You know, maybe you were steered towards the wrong political group. Love? Are you from the sixties? Maybe, you should be over at the left wing Democrats. Let me throw out one more issue to you. What about those weird gay people? You would not want them to get married? And while I'm at it, what about all those illegals from Mexico way, who come across our borders and pollute our cities and culture?

Sir, you are probably right. I must have come to the wrong place. I was told that this was a group of people who were looking for cleanliness and decency in society. But all of your viewpoints seem about warmongering, hatred of other peoples,and an intolerance towards those you perceive to be different. Why would I be against the poor and unfortunate who are coming to this country for a chance to better their lives. Isn't that a noble goal?

Man, you are really weird. Hey Grover, Rev. Wildmon, and DeVos, we better cross this guy off of our list along with McCain, Giuliani, and that Mormon Romney. Let's keep praying for the perfect candidate who wants to rid our world. . .